NUTS

The two-lane highway leading up to the chalet was empty. I glanced curiously in the rearview mirror, but the winding road failed to tell me where we were headed. While I had been living in Melbourne, Australia for nearly two years, I was still hopelessly disoriented. Not wanting to ruin the surprise, I decided the empty tree-lined highway was a promising start to our romantic getaway. After all, it was my first weekend away with my new Australian boyfriend, the spitting image of Colin Firth only slightly shrunken in the wash. Reassured, I sat back in the passenger seat and pictured kangaroos jumping out of the bush until--something else jumped out at me.

“We’re here,” Greg announced, clearly not seeing the two gigantic nuts hanging overhead.

Not wanting to seem completely childish, I sat up and calmly read the sign that was surrounded by two flesh-colored chestnuts. “Double Nut Chalets,” I plainly stated because I couldn’t laugh. Not unless Greg laughed first. Because this was our first weekend away. Because he was kindly carrying my overstuffed suitcase into the hotel. Because this was his surprise. Two gigantic nuts hanging over our hotel.

Suddenly, my stifled laugh relaxed into a smile as his curly hair disappeared into the lobby. Staring up at the sign, I decided nuts were the perfect start to the weekend.

Hot Mess

Nothing says I’m not ready to have kids like staring into a microwaved diaper. While ten maternal woman shoved their noses into a series of Huggies, trying to work out which timeless chocolate bar had been nuked for the baby shower, I decided it was the perfect time for a bathroom break. Unfortunately, the sniffing and sorting took longer than the ten minutes I was able to kill in the bathroom reading National Geographic. No longer able to avoid taking a whiff of candied poo, I stuck my nose near the edge of Huggies Snug and Dry, but was quickly distracted by thoughts of lost youth. Picking out candy bars at the local 7-Eleven had been a great childhood pastime. But now, we were melting sweets into diapers in a quiet attempt to prepare for the next chapter in life. And yet, as I clinched the low score on the diaper game at my friend's baby shower, I was reminded that candy bars aren’t the only things you can freeze. At least until you’re ready.