There’s nothing like a weekend of binge drinking to give life to bad ideas. Unfortunately, this particular bad idea followed me all the way to Monday where I decided it was time for the Master Cleanse.
Lemon juice. Maple syrup. Cayenne pepper. Water. That’s all you get for five days! Unless of course you include the laxative tea.
Eight hours into my worst idea ever, I’m strolling through Whole Foods market looking for my medicinal treat. I quickly shove the tiny brown box into my basket, which I don’t actually need because I can eat anything! But before I can reach the checkout counter, a voice stops me-a male voice.
Slowly, I turn around as Danny, the cute skater boy I used to hook-up with in college, pulls me in for a hug. I try to smile but my face turns red-hot. Danny says something but I’m not listening. Mostly because he’s talking into my basket. I look down. Staring at me in bold letters is SMOOTH MOVES laxative tea.
Our eyes lock. His lips curl into a smile. Enough said.
Heading for the register, I'm now certain of one thing: detoxification is soooo not me!
4.02.2008
Smooth Moves
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
23 comments:
The thing about detox is, sooner or later, you'll always need to do it again. The same can't be said for ex's, thank goodness.
-- Jayne Err
Well, at least you didn't have a douche and some anti-fungal cream in the basket along with your brown box : )
Did you know they came out with a chocolate Smooth Move? I wonder if that would have been any less embarrassing?!
My theory is that every individual needs to have their heart broken. The same goes with an embarrassing moment. Every person needs to experience humility. It keeps you humble. I just pray that BOTH experiences are behind me.
It just doesn't pay to get healthy.
I bet there's some good ones out there... most embarrassing moment with a previous significant other... getting caught on the pot is always a good one. I know I've caught a few ex's meeting their "needs" while they thought I was away. I've also caught a few ex's fulfilling that need with someone. Not as funny.
Each blog is funnier than the last! I love it! Keep them rolling.
DETOX ! yuk , the only way I could do detox is with the guy you just met in the market then you won't be thinking about not eating . It's always better to detox with two !
What's really bad is when you've been detoxing for 3 days go out with a friend have two sips of a drink ( I know ) and have to tell him & the emergency doc why you passed out !
Does three day of red bull and vodka in Vegas count as a detox?
Detox is what you do when you sleep. Tis in my book anyway!
Embarrassing moment with an ex? Erm... seeing her in Starbucks many months after the ex-ing. I avoided eye contact, but got spotted regardless. Became the victim of a 5 minute one way "conversation," only half way through which, I'm ashamed to say, I remembered her name. A smooth move indeed
LaSusan said:
Hysterical. As soon as you try to purge your body of one toxin, the universe gives you another. Too bad there's not a way to emotionally detox.
I always Smooth Move was for losing weight, not detoxing.
never decide to detox on a Sunday night. Unless you plan on calling in ill the next day.
Kylie, if painful stomach cramps and hours on the privy is your idea of a weight loss system, then this one is tops.
I detox on & off for years I still weigh more then I would like , & still looking for Mr. right . Maybe I will try the health food store . then when he sees all my detox stuffff he'll get it !!!
well don't detox for too long - we'd miss your stories!
Could have been worse...pregnancy test and the dreaded cream. This is always my worst nightmare when I run into riteaid. And to make matters worse, they give you a see through plastic bag to leave with. Buggas!
I think I would have done better with The Master Cleanse Cocktail.
Lemon juice. Maple syrup. Cayenne pepper. Water. AND VODKA.
LA Susan: Maybe the "cocktail cleanse" is for the emotional detox.
I'm with you Anna: Every time I diet or detox, I gain weight. Maybe that's because the second I decide to go on a diet, I start craving pizza. My diets never last past dinnertime.
detox is so harsh! literally. as for running into ex's - how many of us get to shine in that unexpected moment? murphys law says not very many
Is there an all wine detox? I guess it would have to be red wine, right?
The crux of your writing while sounding agreeable initially,
did not sit properly with me after some time. Someplace within the paragraphs you managed to make me a
believer unfortunately just for a short while.
I nevertheless have got a problem with your
jumps in logic and one might do well to fill in
those gaps. If you can accomplish that, I would undoubtedly end up being amazed.
Feel free to surf to my webpage ::
Post a Comment