I developed my first crush in the 7th grade. His was name was Ryan Wright, and he was the blonde blue-eyed star of the basketball team. More specifically, he was my best friend’s older brother (by a year). And while I was one of a hundred girls with the same crush, Katie picked me to spend the weekend with her and her family in Tahoe.
It was snowing outside when we decided to watch Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. My palms started to sweat as I took a seat next to Ryan on the couch. Delirious, I sunk back into the pillows hoping our legs would touch. They didn’t. I watched his hands, wanting them to reach for mine. They didn’t. Instead, they reached for a bag of Cheetos.
Slowly, the heat from the fire started to pull me under. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander to a field of flowers where we’d have our first kiss. I could almost feel the breeze when a loud rip pulled me back to reality. Sitting upright on the couch, I looked around to find everyone staring back at me. Suddenly, my crush started to giggle. They all started to giggle until Katie softly explained, “You woke yourself up.”
“Up?" I said in a state of panic. "What did you mean up?”
She clarified, “With your fart.”
Slowly, the words floated into the air and stuck. I blinked hard, wanting nothing more than to crawl into the sofa bed and die. The fire blazing in front of me, I broke into a cold sweat. It was official: I had just farted all over my crush. How do you recover from that?
The next morning I realized you don’t. While no one mentioned my broken wind again, it was always there, tumbling through the air. Stuck!
4.17.2008
A Cabin, Crush, and the Fart that Tore Us Apart
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
27 comments:
The dreaded fart! I sympathize with you. I went to a slumber party in the fifth grade with 2 girls I desperately wanted to be friends with (one, by the way, won a couple of gold medals in the 2000 summer Olympics). Anyhoo, they teased me the entire next day claiming that I had farted all night in my sleep. Whether true or not, a "fluff" for anyone above 5 and under 17 can make or break you.
I'm way ahead of myself. She won in the 1992 Olympics. I Guess I'm still completely traumatized by the event!
reminds me of your slumber party in 4th grade--never, ever fall asleep in a room full of tweens!
miss you!
check out babyboyneta.blogspot.com when you have a moment (:
xoxo
melis
So true! Farts are completely irreversible, and can result in social death. They're right up there with stepping in dog poo.
meanwhile if your crush had farted, no one would even have blinked.
I was too timid to get within farting range of my crush. Too busy playing army too. Silly me
Farts are pretty funny . But when your young and have a big crush on a cutie , it's like death . Then when you get older you and your cutie try to out fart each other now that's love .
Farts are so universal... but when you let one lose you are the only one in the world.
Thanks for the laugh - I actually headed to Tahoe for the weekend and I'm staying in a CABIN and I had mexican for lunch - wish me luck!
Okay, sorry, no, I can't relate. The only time I've ever broken the "fart barrier" is in long-established relationships. And even then I blamed it on the dog. Luckily, whenever one slipped out, whether it was a case of "silent but deadly" or "bark worse than its bite," the guy in question was too emotionally/sexually invested to let a little intestinal trouble c-ck block him. You've simply got to deny, deny, deny. Did we learn nothing from O.J.?
XO,
Jayne Err
Blame it on the dog? Nooo... blame the carpet frogs
Too bad you weren't old enough to drink... though maybe a good thing
That is why it's great to own a dog.... you can always blame the fart on them. It works like a charm. And, that is why I have 2 dogs....just in case : )
Oh Dear! Let me say three words: yoga downward dog. It NEVER fails!!!
It's the altitude. Trust me!
The best remedy for embarrassment is as champagne cocktail.
Funny, and yet I see your sweet little girl side, Nicole.
My high school crush is now a bouncer at a club in SF. He still looks good, but getting carded is definitely not as much fun as getting felt up!
That's why I let men crush on me first.
I hope he didn't turn you off Cheetos. They're sooooo good.
That's why I bring my ladies to the beach instead.
Too funny! Farts are mortifying enough, but to have Mr. Crush be on the receiving end...ouch! Fortunately, I bring my dog everywhere with me. They're convenient scapegoats for such embarrasing offenses.
little did you know you learned the best ice breaker on a first date....would work wonders now, wouldn't it???
Maybe you could practice coughing in time to cover the noise?
Seriously though I had a similar "accident" on our first romantic night in a posh hotel, it was so loud it woke me up, unfortunately it woke him up too! He still brings it up on occasion....
that is absolutely hysterical...my ex said I farted in my sleep once...although he lied about a lot of things, so I'd like to believe he lied about that too!
Keep up the good work.
Those darn barking spiders, the floorboards may have been loose too. Everybody poops though
Post a Comment